Learning to Masturbate

Discovering the art of self-pleasure and embarking on a journey of sexual self-discovery can be a bewildering path, especially when societal norms and personal inhibitions intertwine, creating a labyrinth of confusion and missed opportunities for exploration. For many, the journey towards understanding their own bodies and desires is not straightforward. It's marred by societal taboos, personal doubts, and a lack of open conversation about sexuality. This exploration often begins much later in life, revealing the complexities and challenges of navigating one's sexual identity and pleasure.

Why is it that, if memory serves me correctly, it never occurred to me to touch myself until I was about 23 years old? The thought never crossed my mind. It wasn't that I considered it forbidden or taboo; it simply never occurred to me as a possibility. This absence of self-exploration underscores the impact of societal norms and personal upbringing on one's sexual awakening.

Reflecting back, I recall knowing that boys in my school (was it high school or even earlier?) engaged in masturbation. It was an open secret, discussed amidst the echoes of the school corridors and sometimes even blatantly acknowledged in the classroom. Yet, such conversations were exclusively the domain of boys. Girls, it seemed, were either silent on the matter or completely disengaged from this aspect of self-discovery. This gendered silence begs the question: why was there such a stark divide in the openness and acceptance of self-pleasure between genders?

At 23, a pivotal moment arrived when I sought out the university psychologist, who then referred me to a hypnotherapist. This therapist recommended a book that, in hindsight, was ill-suited for addressing my sexual concerns (ESO = Extended Sexual Orgasm). The book's advice to masturbate and familiarize myself with my body felt like a misguided attempt to solve my sexual problems. Yet, this directive led me down a path of exploration, albeit a confusing and sometimes frustrating one.

The journey of self-pleasure was not driven by desire or enjoyment but by a perceived obligation to understand myself better. The ultimate goal seemed to be enhancing sexual experiences with others, but this approach was fraught with disappointment. My attempts at masturbation were not about seeking pleasure but about completing a task, a means to an end that, unfortunately, often ended in failure. I was unable to achieve the climactic experiences that I thought were essential for a fulfilling sex life.

This fixation on task completion extended beyond my sexual experiences and was a trait I recognized in other areas of my life. I realized that my approach to sex mirrored this task-oriented perspective. The narratives portrayed in media and society suggested that good sex culminated in powerful orgasms. I internalized this message, believing that achieving simultaneous orgasms was the benchmark for sexual success. This focus on the end result overshadowed the importance of the journey and the experiences leading up to it.

No one told me to cherish the journey toward sexual fulfillment. No one emphasized that sex should be about pleasure, liberation, and enjoying the moment, rather than about performance and achieving specific outcomes. The pressure to perform, to reach climax, overshadowed the potential for genuine enjoyment and connection with my partner.

As I delved deeper into my personal exploration and confronted these societal and personal barriers, I began to understand the importance of disconnecting sex from performance. Learning to enjoy the sensations, the intimacy, and the emotional connection without the looming shadow of expectation became a new goal. This shift in perspective was not easy. It required unlearning many of the messages I had absorbed about sex and pleasure.

The realization that self-pleasure and sex are not merely physical acts but deeply emotional and psychological experiences was transformative. Masturbation became a tool for self-discovery, a way to understand what brought me pleasure without the pressure of a partner's expectations. This journey of exploration was about more than just physical sensations; it was about reconnecting with my body, understanding my desires, and learning to communicate these desires to a partner.

The silence around female masturbation and the lack of open discussions about women's sexual pleasure contribute to the challenges many face in understanding their bodies and desires. Breaking this silence and encouraging open conversations about sexuality can empower individuals to explore their bodies without shame or fear. Educating oneself and others about the diversity of sexual experiences and the importance of consent, communication, and pleasure is crucial in fostering a healthier, more inclusive understanding of sexuality.

As individuals navigate their paths toward sexual wellness, the role of education and open dialogue becomes increasingly apparent. Sexual education should not be limited to the mechanics of sex and prevention of STIs and pregnancy. It should also encompass discussions about pleasure, consent, emotional intimacy, and the importance of self-knowledge. These conversations can empower individuals to make informed decisions about their bodies and relationships, fostering a sense of agency and well-being.

The journey of sexual self-discovery and wellness is ongoing. It evolves with our experiences, relationships, and understanding of ourselves. It's a personal exploration that can lead to profound insights into what brings us joy, satisfaction, and a sense of connection. Recognizing the value of this journey is crucial for both personal fulfillment and the cultivation of healthy, supportive relationships.

In conclusion, the exploration of self-pleasure and sexual wellness is a deeply personal yet universally relevant journey. Breaking the silence that often surrounds these topics is the first step toward fostering a culture of openness, acceptance, and education. By embracing our desires, learning about our bodies, and communicating our needs, we can all move toward a more fulfilled and understanding existence. This blog post is an invitation to begin that journey, to question the norms that hold us back, and to discover the joy and well-being that comes from truly knowing and embracing ourselves.

As we continue to navigate these personal and societal challenges, let us do so with compassion, curiosity, and an open heart. Sexual wellness is an integral part of overall well-being, and it's time we give it the attention and respect it deserves. Let this be a call to action: to explore, to learn, and to grow in our understanding of sexual health and happiness.